One Sentence Summary of “How to win friends and influence people”: to form friends, influence others and obtain them in our corner, it’s important to understand the way to take care of their ego; this happens after a very important change in our everyday behavior, which consists of never criticizing, being genuinely curious about others, smiling, remembering the primary name of the person we are speaking with, making them feel important, never telling them they’re wrong, talking about our own mistakes before talking about theirs, motivating, sincerely complimenting, and usually always taking care of their self-esteem.
This is a universal law that’s sometimes difficult to accept: 99 times out of 100, man considers himself innocent, regardless of how serious his crime. Criticism is therefore useless because it puts the individual on the defensive and forces him to justify himself, and it’s dangerous because it damages their self-esteem and causes bitterness. Criticism is sort of a carrier pigeon: the person we would like responsible and proper will do anything to justify himself and can condemn us reciprocally. Or, often, they exclaim: “I don’t see how I could have acted any differently!”
Exactly 80 years after the way to Win Friends first appeared, it comes as no surprise to seek out a distorted, and sickeningly corrupt, version of Dale Carnegie’s homespun and inspirational self-help manual flourishing within the presidential campaign of Donald Trump, bestselling author of The Art of the Deal. Trump, indeed, continues actively to extol a later Carnegie fan (Norman Vincent Peale, author of the facility of Positive Thinking) for his contribution to the American way of life. regardless of the outcome of Tuesday 8 November, there’s little question that the ecstatic selling of yank greatness will remain a part of the national psychodrama for years to return.
But he didn’t hand over, and it had been from this pit of despair and disappointment that he conceived the thought of giving courses publicly speaking. Paraphrasing RW Emerson, a deeply influential American we shall meet later, he would say, “Do the thing that you simply fear to try to, and therefore the death of fear is completely certain.”
We’ve summarized a number of its main lessons on the way to be a likable
Avoid criticizing, condemning, or complaining.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do, Carnegie writes. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. Anyone during a leadership position should acknowledge when a subordinate isn’t meeting expectations or when a competitor’s approach is inferior to their own but do so during a way that acknowledges what’s working, avoiding resentment and inspiring improvement.
Praise others’ achievements.
Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement, Carnegie wrote. Be lavish with praise, but only during a genuine way, he advised. Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and can do almost anything to urge it, he said. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.
Carnegie writes that the sole way on earth to influence people is to speak about what they need and show them the way to catch on. He refers to a quote by Henry Ford: If there’s anybody secret of success, it lies within the ability to urge the opposite person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle also as from your own
Steel magnate Charles Schwab claimed his smile was worth 1,000,000 bucks. And he was probably understating the reality, Carnegie writes. For Schwab’s personality, his charm, his ability to form people like him, were almost wholly liable for his extraordinary success; and one among the foremost delightful factors in his personality was his captivating smile.
Encourage people to speak about themselves
Most people relax even in tense situations if they begin talking about what they know. Namely, themselves. Listening closely to someone is one of the very best compliments we will pay anyone, Carnegie writes.AP PhotoDale Carnegie reads from his book the way to Win Friends & Influence People.
Know when to use suggestions rather than direct orders.
Carnegie learned that the industrialist Owen D. Young, instead of barking commands to his subordinates, would lead them alongside suggestions (You might consider this…) or questions (Do you think that this is able to work?). He always gave people the chance to try things themselves; he never told his assistants to try things; he allows them to do them, allow them to learn from their mistakes, Carnegie wrote.
Acknowledge your own mistakes.
The best leaders, Carnegie said, don’t lionize themselves, appearing as if they were flawless. Admitting one’s own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to vary his behavior, Carnegie wrote.
Respect others’ dignity
Whether leaders are giving employees a demotion or letting them go, they have to acknowledge that person’s dignity and not humiliate them, Carnegie said. And even from a practical standpoint, it’s during a leader’s prefer to remain on good terms with an employee who didn’t compute, since it’s possible they’re going to cross paths again, and one irate former employee can have the motivation to ruin their former boss’ reputation.
Don’t try ‘winning’ an argument
Even if you manage to pan someone else’s argument, you do not actually achieve anything. Carnegie cites the old saying, a person convinced against his will/Is of an equivalent opinion still. If you are looking to truly persuade somebody, avoid an argument within the first place.
Be friendly, regardless of how angry the opposite person could also be.
It’s attributed to satisfy aggression with aggression. But if you’re taking the high road and check out to influence someone while maintaining a smile and showing appreciation for his or her situation, you will be surprised what you’ll achieve.
Reach footing as soon as possible.
Begin by emphasizing – and keep it up emphasizing – the items on which you agree, Carnegie writes. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you simply are both striving for an equivalent end which your only difference is one among method and not of purpose.
Get others to think your conclusion is their own.
No one is often forced to really believe something. That’s why most persuasive people know the facility of suggestions over demands. Plant a seed and when that’s blossomed, avoid the urge to require credit for it.